btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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