it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
