I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
