New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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