Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
