Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
