Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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