I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
