That's when you crack a 10am beer
Welp...herpes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
