The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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