We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
