ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
