I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
