he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
two words: eviction party
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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