Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
