After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
