I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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