I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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