I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
