yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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