and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
