yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize