Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
worst night to have a conscience
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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