3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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