I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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