Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
