she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
