One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
