i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
