We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
