you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
