Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
