I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
