So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
