Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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