I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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