We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
