you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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