when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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