ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
