I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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