Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
