So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
