Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
