he thought i was a dude.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This toilet bowl is my home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize