Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
