do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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