I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
