Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dick very happy bro
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
