Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
