I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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