I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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