we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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