Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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