Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
