Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
