The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
whose parrot is this?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bring me that man meat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
