do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize