Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
