the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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