My brain says no but my pants say off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
