Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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