Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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