I faked an abortion last night.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
