Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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