3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
