Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
