I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
