Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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