Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
