I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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