some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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