i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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