If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
