Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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