Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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