If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
